


Under the Sway of the Sycamore Trees

by amycooper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Sam's a very good friend, Trauma, canon divergent 13x23, probably has some sabriel feels if that's your thing, very brief non-graphic mention of intrusive suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 07:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14689497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amycooper/pseuds/amycooper
Summary: Jack brings Gabriel back, but death was the least of Gabriel's troubles.  Fortunately he's not alone.





	Under the Sway of the Sycamore Trees

Once the initial shock wore off and explanations were given which, to Gabriel, felt like a semi-comprehensible whirlwind of words, Dean gave him a sound thump on the back and, to the archangel’s surprise, Sam enveloped him in a warm hug.

“Welcome back, Gabe,” Sam said as they parted.

The two Winchesters were too caught up in the excitement of Gabriel’s resurrection at Jack’s hand to notice how subdued the resurrectee was.  And as Castiel began eagerly talking to Jack about the problems with heaven, Gabriel took his opportunity to slip out of the room. 

The bunker was much more crowded now, with the other world’s contingent temporarily making it home.  The corridor was full with people moving in, unpacking what little they owned, and pulling linens of out some closet in the back.  Gabriel felt like they were taking up all the air, making it hard to breath, which was silly because since when did he rely on air?  When Gabriel finally made it to his room, he found it occupied by someone he didn’t know. Some guy whose eyes narrowed slightly with suspicion when he recognized Gabriel as one of the two angels.  Gabriel hastily apologized and hurried off, uncertain where he was going to go.

It was only when he found their dungeon (The Winchesters have a dungeon?  Kinky.) that Gabriel was finally able to be alone.

The thing is, they were so excited to resurrect him, no one put any thought to whether Gabriel wanted to be resurrected.  He gave a worn sigh and sat down, hard, on the chair in the center of the room.

“It’s not exactly like I want to die either,” Gabriel told the empty room.  And he didn’t. He had no intent on killing himself (Not that it would be easy to do if he wanted to, not that thoughts on how to do it didn’t invade his mind unwillingly and in equal measures distressingly and appealingly.) but he had found a kind of peace in the idea of sacrificing himself.  He’d have a death that meant something and it’ll all be over. All the pain, all the torture, all the violence. Ketch might have pulled him out of that cage but every time he closed his eyes, he found himself back there.

“I just want it to be over,” Gabriel told the empty room.

 

Gabriel’s not sure how long he sat there in the stillness of the only unoccupied room in the bunker.  With his angelic senses, he could still hear the bustle and buzz up above. The noise was too much. The room was too real, with its restraints and faintly suggested cruelties.  The pain was too present, too overwhelming. It was all too much, too much, too much until he felt as if everything just...shifted. As if he was slightly out of phase with the universe and all feeling shut off.  And then, finally, in the curious numbness he finally felt the peace he’d craved. Finally everything just stopped.

 

***

 

“Hey, have you seen Gabriel?”  Sam asked as he entered the kitchen.  

 

“No, not since Jack brought him back.” Dean was in his glory.  He had more meat on the grill then Sam had ever seen him cook, while drinking a beer and chatting with Cas, who was attempting to make a large salad.

 

“Hm,” Sam said.  “Wasn’t in the library either.”

 

“I’m sure he’s somewhere having a blast.  I mean, not everyday a guy comes back from the dead, right?”  Dean passed him a beer that he didn’t even ask for as Sam gave a weak “Yeah” and left.

 

Sam gave Rowena a little smile in response to her questioning look as he passed through the war room and hurried to the garage, only to walk into his Mom and Bobby making out which-woah-he did not need to see.  

 

His Mom gave him a weak smile and Sam cut her off before she could explain. 

 

“Really Mom, it’s fine.  But have you seen Gabriel?”

 

“No,” she and Bobby shook their heads.

 

Did Gabriel leave?  And if so why? Sam frowned as he headed back into the war room where he nearly bumped into Rowena.  

 

“He’s downstairs,” the witch said.

 

“You found him?” 

 

“Well, I was able to locate him.  Close enough,” the witch responded.

 

“Thanks,” Sam said and hurried off.  Why would Gabriel be downstairs? There wasn’t much down there, just storage and the dungeon.

 

He poked into a couple of storage rooms without much luck, then proceed on into the dungeon.  Sam stopped short. Gabriel was in the chair, in the middle of the dungeon, staring blankly ahead.

 

“Gabriel?”

 

No response.  Shit. Sam ran a hand down his face and walked forward, slowly.  “Gabriel? Can you hear me?”

 

Still no response.

 

Sam hunched down so their faces were level.  Gabriel didn’t even blink. Sam placed a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder.  “Gabriel. You need to snap out of it.”

 

After a pause, Sam gave Gabriel a little shake.

 

Gabriel blinked at him and said, “Hi Sam” in a weird, distant voice that didn’t make him feel any better about the situation, but at least he responded.  So he wasn’t catatonic like before.

 

“Hey Gabriel, why are you in the dungeon?”

 

“Hm?” Gabriel’s eyes were still unfocused.

 

“The dungeon, Gabriel.  Why are you here in the dungeon?”

 

After an odd delay, Gabriel shrugged his shoulders.

 

Sam sighed and stood back up. What was going on here.  He took a few paces towards to go get Cas, but stopped, looked back at Gabriel and pulled out his phone.  A few minutes later, when it seemed like he was on to something Sam pulled out another chair and took a seat.  

 

“Hey Gabe,” Sam looked up and pocketed his phone several minutes later.  “I’m going with the theory that you’re dissociating. That means you may or may not understand what I’m saying right now, but since I got you to respond before, I’m thinking that maybe you can hear me.”

 

Gabriel didn’t respond.

 

Sam pulled the chair over to him.  “You didn’t react poorly when I touched you earlier, so I’m going to assume it’s okay if I hold your hands.  If you don’t want me to touch you though, you can always tell me and I’ll stop.”

 

There was a slow blink, but that was it.

 

Sam took a slow breath and took both of Gabriel’s hands in his own.  “Do you feel me holding your hands, Gabriel? Are my hands warm? Are they soft or are they rough?”

 

Sam’s voice droned on in a gentle but persistent rhythm.

 

Gabriel could feel Sam squeeze his hands distantly as Sam continued to talk.  Things felt like they were getting sharper, clearly and Gabriel tried to retreat back into that quiet peaceful unreality that he’d found.  He had some success, for a while, but then there was something cold was touching him and he found himself blinking back to reality despite himself.

 

“What?” Gabriel pulled away from whatever it was on his face.

 

Sam lowered his beer bottle.  “Hey, sorry, but are you with me.”

 

“Never went anywhere,” Gabriel said weakly, blinking as his eyes started focusing on the world around him.  Sam was sitting across from him, in the dungeon, holding his hand. Instead of pulling it away, Gabriel found himself giving Sam a squeeze back.

 

Sam seemed to be carefully consider what to say next.  “Do you remember coming down here?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Why?”

 

Gabriel hesitated.  It was tempting to lie about it all, but this was Sam.  Sam who saw him at his very worst and still cared, still reached him, and was willing to risk his life to fight off Asmodeus for him.  He couldn’t lie to Sam, not now. 

 

“It was too much,” Gabriel confessed, looking down.  “All of the noise and bustle and…” and life. It was just too much, too hard.

 

Sam leaned forward and, to Gabriel’s surprise, wrapped in him in another large hug.  Gabriel stiffened, then relaxed into the embrace. He felt Sam rub his back and the two stayed there for a good long minute.  When they pulled back, Sam looked him in the eye and said, “Can I trust you?”

 

Gabriel blinked at the unexpected reply, but said, “Yeah.”

 

“And do you trust me?”

 

Gabriel nodded.

 

“Then come with me.”

 

Gabriel followed Sam nervously back up the stairs and through the party.  Tethered to him as the weaved through the crowd. Dean raised his eyebrows when he noticed the two plowing through the crowd, hands still clasped, and Gabriel couldn’t help but give the older Winchester a cheeky look, but they were moving too fast to see how Dean would react.  Within minutes, they were outside, but Sam didn’t quit the pace so Gabriel followed him through a faint overgrown trail. 

 

“I’m pretty sure Dean doesn’t know about this place,” Sam said as they came to a stop, their hands finally unclasping.  

 

They were in a grove of ancient Sycamore trees.  High above a breeze made the foliage sway but it was still and cool down below.  The trees’ flaking bark revealing stretches of smooth white trunk. Gabriel found himself stepping forward and running his hands against it, feeling that smoothness against the palm of his hand.

 

“I come here sometimes, when I need to think.  Or when it all just seems too much,” Sam said, his voice having fallen into a quiet, reverent whisper..  “It’s hard not to feel calm and, well, present when you’re here.” 

 

Gabriel nodded.  It felt somehow wrong to talk here.  Funny. He was something far more ancient and, in his true form, far more larger than trees now above him, and yet they made him feel young and small in the best possible way. Gabriel took a step back from the tree.  Around him on the forest floor, scattered rays of light danced with the breeze above, lighting up light patches of grass which poked out from the layers of leaves that created an earthy scent.

 

Sam was sitting on a log.  Gabriel slowly walked over and took a seat next to him.  

 

“I know what you’re going through,” Sam said, eventually, “and I know how hard this is, all too well.  But I also know you don’t have to go through this on your own. You’re not alone though Gabriel. I’m here for you.  I’ll always be here for you, whether you need someone to pull you back before, or give you space, or listen and hold on to you. I’m your friend and you’re part of our family now.”

 

And under the swaying trees, Sam held Gabriel as he wept.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!


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